DiScOrDs pRaYeR

my father who art
dead,
forgotten be thy
name...
thy kingdom done,
thy will be none,
on the earth or
any fake heaven.

Give me this day
my daily stone,
so that I may stone
others the way
they stone me,

and leadeth me
not into Paradise,
but deliver me from
this world of lies,

For THINE is the
Grave, ...

of Slaves...

FOREVER>

amen.

i believe in monsters now

i believe in monsters now.

++++++++++++++++++++

I once believed less

in monsters, than...

victims of irreconcilable

circumstances who

(for whatever reason)

lacked the will to change

their acquired natures.

Then I found myself

on the badside of love...

angry, and wanting...

a creature of hate laughing

in the mirror, filled with

hideous rage unfelt

since the horrors of my

youth..

and then I knew...

that love is

+my monster.+..

my...irreconcilable

circumstance created

by an unchangeable

fate written on

a Wretched Star before

the first kiss was planted

on the cheek of Hells

Abyss....

This Beautiful Pain I

crave to feel but loath

simultaneously because

it's not the same as other

loves...

it burns more, and creates

less...

an ugly, lonely thing

screaming into a cave

where light has never been...

and devils dance in angelic

dress to trick me.

yes...I believe in monsters

now.

(theres no more self doubt

my sweet.)

j.stephen.h.

another philosophy to consider

The Oceans of
your eyes?
Another Philosophy
to consider!
(or potential truth
to analyze.)

yet how can
love be verified?
(when it only
gets tested.)

we only reach
Paradise,
after research in
Hell has been
invested.

and this my
Love is why...
I dance with
Wretched Devils!!

(with an angel
on my mind.)

​j.stephen.h.

how my inner pacifist won the war.

how my inner pacifist won
the war.
+++++++++++++++++

hows this for irony?

last night i waged war

with my pacifist self,

and..

nothing happened...

the bastard just sat there

laughing like an 

enlightened guru...

(in a way that left

me saddened)

so..
I punched him 

repeatedly in the

face,

yet still...

NOTHING from

Him...

there was blood all

over the place..

and a three inch

gash across his chin.

he asked me why

i was always so angry,

lookin for someone 

to curse and fight,

then offered me a hug.

(but of course I just

stayed up screaming

all night.)

++

i woke up feeling

weak and sore...

but he was still 

there, smiling that

ironic smile like a

Happy Buddha sitting
on the dirty floor..

then the bastard

asked me:

(are you ready to

talk some more?")

j.stephen.h.

a trial upon my sanity

if you think each day
is a trial upon your
fragile sanity now.
wait until the darkness
answers you.
then you get to see
what all those blind
sages raged about..
that beast smiling through
history with a face so
sweet most think he's
a savior...

or avatar come to
restore tranquility to
this poor, disordered
world.
it doesnt work like
that im afraid...
salvation is a "self
serve gas station"
you have to find
yourself because
nobody works there
anymore...

all the angels went
on strike long ago
love...

(except for you.)

i suppose they grew
weary of Their Greatness
worshiping the inadequate
ape-spawn who stole
their holy thunder...

even after eating the
snake berries put there
for Hell knows what reason
other than to tempt what
shouldve been perfect in
the first place. (according to
theory.)

(theories be damned
love...theories be
damned.)

Right now i'm standing
on the edge of a crazy
cliff...like my Former hero
Mr. Caulfield...
but only catching flies..
(and they think im their father.)
because my heads too weak
from all the lies to think
straight enough to step
away again...

the last time i jumped
an angel caught me and
put me in the center of
a dark field...then told me
i was on my own...
"head south and hope for
north" it said...
and I tried that love...
really...but...

every life becomes
hell without you.
a real...
trial upon my sanity.

cemetery clowns of strife.

CeMeTeRy ClOwNs
Of StRiFe.
+++++++13++++++

My Lovely,

When The Moon
is Dead,

(and Nights are
Lonely)

you will remember
everything I said..

like how you were
"The Only."

(Angel to ever
Haunt My Head.)

+
There is an
Oddity to My
Hearts Demise,

(odder than My
Happy Frown.)

So that I feel
Higher in
Death
than I did
in Life!

and it's
unlikely
I would
Come
Back
Down!!

(to Dance
with
Cemetery
Clowns
of Strife.)

j.stephen.h.

the winters of my hate

the winter of my hate.
+++++++++++++++++

I wonder if it
was Fate?...

to so quickly
forget
the Summer of
Her Love?

(to wallow in
the Winters of
My Hate.)

I blame it on
Those Lying
Angels,
who whispered
Courage
in My Ear..
(convincing me
they were
Stronger.)
inspiring
me to Abandon
Fear!

(when in Truth
Demonic Screams
last longer.)

+

I do not
(and will never)
believe,..

Her Feathered
Wings can
Crack My Heart
of Stone..

for Life is
A Sickness
that deceives!

(and One
Always Dies
Alone.)

+

so..yes..
I suppose
it is my
Fate...

to forget
The Summer
of Her Love!!

(and accept
The Winter of
My Hate.)


j.stephen.h.