I was there to drop you

it was never my job
to Hold You in my
hands...

i was there to Drop
You.

(and teach you
How To Stand.)

the scars that will not heal

the scars that will not heal.
______________________

her face created
1,000
maniacs dreaming
sonnets in my
heart..

(giving birth to
dying stars.)

but AwAkE
has Come The
dArK!

(and refreshing are
those scars.)

+

tattoos cover most
regrets...

(fathers wicked
bastard
had no taste for
Cigarettes.)

yes...
on this
a
Soul can
bet.

(few hardships
you have met.)

but
lullabyes?..

They
do not sooth...

they make you
cry..

and ponder
truth...

Or
hope to die

the death of
deaths..!!!!!!!

(and
forget
the
dreams
of youth.)

yet...

here you are
still..

my pretty
star...

a maniac
in
my Head
who
sees the
ScaRs!!!!!

(that will not
heal.)

jsh

++++

for:

(an
Angel )

Who's wings
are
Torn to Shreds.

You view it all
From
Multiple Angles!!!

(Drawn on the canvas
In Our Heads.)

happy birthday death

happy birthday death.
   ++++13++++++
this morning i lit a
candle for the dead..

and something blew
it out.

at first i thought it
was in my head...

but Love Proved
Beyond Reasonable
Doubt...

that..

(there's nothing to
talk about.)

everything is a
shadow of itself
growing darker
with each moment..

form and substance
from a machine ..

Bleeding
sad components!!

(for none but
i to see.)

+

("I")
The Enemy
(Me)
who walks
these stairs
(repeatedly)
splitting hairs
about stupid
senseless things.
(for which nobody
cares.)

+++

so..
blow out the
candles love..

and have
A
happy birthday
death ..

I have suffocated
enough!

(and strangle
on Your Breath.)

j.s.h.

the death of art

the death of art.
_____________

Come some..
Come All..
go none..

(eat your
shitting
heart.)

to see
The Ever
Fallen
Son!!

(foretell
The Death
Of Art.)

He wears
A Mighty
Crowne of
Pens..

around
His
Bleeding
Head..

and sees
Life
Through
A tRaGiC
LeNs!!!

(more
Sacred
Since
He's
Dead.)

He should
have stuck
with Painted
Glasses,

which
concealed
The Truth
of Things...

that Hell
awaits The
Sheep-Like
Masses!

(For The
Misery
They
Bring.)

Die all..
Die "I"
Die None.

Forget
The
Shitting
Heart.

Pay
Homage
To The
Fallen
One.

(who
breeds
the Death
of
Art.)

jsh

absurdity always wins

absurdity always wins.
(a ferocious fucking stab
at a few of many odd
Philosophers.)
+++++++++++

I once wrote an essay
concerning Human
Misunderstanding...

and ye olde David
Hume fumed like
a ghost of doom across
my living room.

pissed that my
view was more
demanding.

ANd...
Kant really..
CANT know
too much...

because..

he reduced the
wonders of metaphysics
to the Banalities of
Human Touch.

Descartes started
on a good track...

doubting everything
while simultaneously
trying to prove it...

but...eventually
I think his Ego cracked.

(and the rest
of him was shit.)

Camus is pretty
nice...

he seemed convincing
in his writes...

and spoke of how
it was up to oneself
to Dictate what was
paradise...

but..
now a days
even when
I think of him...

I cast a sad
grin.

(because Absurdity
Always wins.)

jsh

the gods of dawn

she still dances to
old tunes...

and i see romantic
ghosts
dancing with her...

then...
she smiles like
a candle in my
cave.

(gone in half a
whisper.)

+

I've always been a
midnight listener...

keeping odd hours..
waiting on something
I've always felt...

was right around the
corner.

but the light has
not delivered.

(and I feel my love
now scorns her.)

++

did my words cut
so deep..

that you are so far
gone...

and out of reach?

Beyond the Brilliant
Gods of Dawn!!!!

Whom once I thought
may lend, or teach...

a way to just move
on.

(from the dark that
in me creeps.)


fuck it. nevermind.

i quit

chase the dark away

chase the dark
away.
++++13++++

Help Me.
(he said.)

For I've
tried
my best
to find the
Light.

(but fell in
The Dark
instead.)

I've heard
tales of Spirits
from Higher
Places...

who offer
Hope..
(and Finer
Graces.)

though
Nothing
Here
(in Life)
I've found,
has convinced
me of such
Races!

My Shadow
says "No Fair
Verona."
"nor sense of
self to see."

All is Nature
Or Persona!!

(yet this I
can't Believe.)

+++

Help me.
(I say.)

I'm stuck in
Yesterday...

looking for
Angels From
My Past.

(who will
chase The
Dark away.)

j.stephen.h.

reflections from the antfarm

reflections from the ant farm.
++++++13+++++++

they say i'm
becoming
venomous
with my words...

but hell,
who wouldn't
dive
into The
AbSuRd??

(after a smiling
angel kicked them
to ThE CuRb.)

+

Should I Rely
on (what seems
to bE ThE
FoLLy of )
HoPe?

When those Early
Mourning Phantoms
tempt me?

Or Grasp The
tHe LaUgHiNg
HaNgMaNs
Rope??!!!!!

(writing life
off as a Matter
Of dEsTiNy.)

++

I sincerely mean
no harm,

yet,..

in a world of
6 billion plus
souls,

wHaT
am I?!

but another
AnT WiThIn
ThE faRm!!

(who's loss
would bring
no great regret.)

+++

The true insanity
of sanity is:

THERE IS
NO
SANITY...

(all is
Subjectivity.)

and this haunted
world inside of
me..

is the only thing
potentially
FREE!!!!

(from that
treacherous
queen.)

j.s.h.

the recent midnight hours

the recent

MiDnIgHt

HoUrS.

+++13++++

ive spent the recent midnight

hours,

choking on the scent of

flowers...

lost in thoughts which seems to

travel,

to a haunted place of heavenly

powers!

(where none but ghosts now rule

The Tower.)

 

ive met the merry grave digger...

but..

was unimpressed.

(i thought he would be bigger.)

and disliked his formal style

of dress.

(a loaded gun without a trigger.)

_____

whats the point in that?

the funny thing about time

the funny thing about time.
+++++13+++++

funny thing about time..
when you don't notice
it...

it often flies...

then you remember the
moment.

(your heart first
died.)

+

iv'e contemplated theories
of brains in a
vat...

wondering if that could
be

where my head is at..

seeking (or creating) better
things to wonder
at, and see..

(which i seem unable to
achieve.)

++++

i've come to the conclusion...
that i am better
at digging than flying...

and i fear the airs angelic
pollution...

which keeps me dying...

(trapped forever in a
fleeting moment.)

j.s.h.

i (tHe DeViL) can.

   i
   (tHe
   DeViL)
   can...

+++13+++

She often tells me that
for one who claims to
believe in nothing, I
certainly write a lot about
Angels.

They are A Symbolism
Love. Representative of A
Beautiful, Human Woman
who possess such Heavenly
Qualities that I must borrow
metaphysical terms to best
describe her. (or..truthfully
YOU.)

+++

It's always you...
creeping through
my lines like a
nightmare abyss
i forever wish to
fall into.

(because you're
enshrouded in
such indescribable
mystery that my
HeArT perpetually
bleeds for you.)

Remember when I
once asked you what
becomes of a man
who carries equal
amounts of love and
hate in his mind?

You said you didn't
want to know.

(I replied it was
a self-truth
I've yet to find.)

Yet,..perhaps there
are Angels walking
in human skin...?

baffled by the
seemingly inherent
cruelty of man.

If there was...
could you open
your proverbial
wings to them?

I
(tHe
DeViL)
can......

right?

j.s.h.

an angels hand slaps well.

an angels hand
slaps well.
+++13+++

i told her
she was pretty
as hell..

and..

an angels
hand slaps
well...

but doesn't
seem too
great at
catching..

those once
loved.

( who from
grace fell.)

+

i kissed away
her midnight
tears..

they..
tasted like
lost dreams
that ran
astray,..

and became
a Horde Of
Living
Nightmares!!

(Screaming
With The
Voice Of
Yesterday.)

++

she's still
pretty
as hell..

and...

an angels
memory lasts
well..

but i no
longer hope
to relive
that grace!!

(from which
my spirit fell.)


j.stephen.h.

_________________

I hope with this piece that
my attempts to apply a
minimalist scheme did
not detract from the intended
message of the poem.

I think that many profound
statements can be made
with literary simplicity,
IF the artist in question applies
it correctly. (but even that
much like art itself, is also
a matter of taste. So I could
be self-refuting in my view.)


I suffer a rather peculiar
form of madness which
passes itself off as sanity
very well..because
I often use seemingly
rational arguments to
explain away behaviors
that are essentially irrational,
and oftentimes self-destructive.

I Love with Vengeance,
and will never avenge the
love I destroy.

(still...because I suffer
a peculiar madness...
i'd never change a fuckin
SECOND of it.. because
the Pain Defines Us just
as much as That Fleeting
sense of Joy we sometimes
are fortunate enough to know.

Abraham Maslow called it
peak  experience...I call it self
delusion which strangely
enough may be the soul's odd
way of curing itself of
a self-inflicted Disease.)

thanks for reading.

forgive the ranting,

j.s.h.

the key to heavens door

The Key
To Heavens
Door.
(for Tony
Taylor.)
+++++++

we...
(the ever-
parting.)

have tasted the
fruits of death
before..

and heard tales
of a lonesome
angel guarding.

( the key to
heavens door.)


we've..
cried with
fallen idols
of the air...

(hoping in our
hearts that ONE
was TRUE.)

while Tasting
The Tears of
Love's
Despair!!

(oh, Do Such
Memories
Ever Leave
You?)

+++

but
i wouldn't
change
a thing..
that has
ever happened
to me...

and i do
not need a
Time
Machine!!

(to re-create
My Destiny.)

+++

for i ..
(the ever-
living)
know..

that those
fruits of death
i've eaten
before...

reveal a
meaning to
my sorrow!

(and provide
the key to heavens
door.)

j.stephen.h.

for Tony Taylor.
friend and muse.

(a more optimistic
piece...to break my
dark monotony.)

my unfair-weather friend still laughs.

my unfair-weather
friend still laughs.
   +++13++++

oh
please...

(shucks)

nobody wants
a poet in a
box...

just bar
room dances
and one night
fucks.

followed by
disease.!

(that an
unfair-weather
friend still
mocks.)

+++

i live my
life in a
parenthesis...

deep in thought,
between
Uncertain Lines.

unable to
remember my
dreams!!

(though i'm certain
i'm in one all the
time.)

+++

but...

few win
love
with poetry
anymore...

while
fewer still
find love
which lasts...

yet pennies
for thoughts
breed greedy
whores!!

(and my
Unfair-Weather
Friend still
Laughs.)

j.stephen.h.

she was where heaven is

she was where heaven is.
____________________

the taste of ash was
better,

when love held firm,
and her
arms felt timeless.

but..

i  knew there
was no chance
at Forever.

(because i haven't
learned where heaven
is.)

see..

i broke my shovel
digging for it...

and a whiskey madness
burnt my soul...

till I found little
more than Golden
Shit.

(and a never-ending
hole.)

+++

there's little use waiting
for some profound
transition...

for i've found my "self"
in a paupers grave which
teaches richer souls to
breath..

accepting of Heaven
and Hell's Position!!

( yet aware that both
do thus deceive.)

+++

the thorns of love
felt better...

when hope held firm
and her arms were
timeless...

but...

I ruined the possibility
of Forever.

(because she was
Where Heaven Is.)

j.stephen.h.

__________________


(yes. this ones
for You. three guesses
and None Of Them
Count.)

the stranger with sad
eyes of blue.

(who brightens my soul
by vast amounts.)

my hellish angel

my hellish angel.
++++13+++++

hello
there
hellish
angel..

where
you
been
all my
Death?

Such
Beauty
makes
a Grim
Soul
Strangle.

(and robs
these
rotted lungs
of
BrEaTh.)

shall we
continue
casting
pearls
before
apes?

From the
center of
this cage?

or Feed
The Host
Life's Sour
Grapes?!

(once shoved
down ash-sore
throats in rage.)

++++

goodbye my
angel..

it would've
been nice to
be your friend.

but the soul
within me that
once strangled.....

(has decided
never to breath
again.)

j.s.h.

ignoring loves dead screams

IgNoRiNg LoVeS
dEaD sCrEaMs.
++++13++++

she asked me
where i was..
when her
 HeArT
was so damn
TaTtErEd.

i was sitting
drunken waiting
on A Bus.

(pretending
Our LoVe
mAtTeReD.)

why do
i drown in
tear-raped
sympathy?

in This
Movie
starring Her
and Me..

breaking
grammatical
rules of
VeRsE.

while
claiming
to be
FrEe!!!!

(from the
Worlds
impending
HeArSe.)

+++

she asked
me where
I was..

when
she was
crying away
her rotted
dReAmS.

i was
sitting
drunken
on a bus.....

(ignoring
LoVeS dEaD
sCrEaMs.)


j.stephen.h.

a fragment from an insomniacs diary

A fragment from an insomniacs

diary. +++++++++++++++++++++++++

damn it's early as hell,...

and...

the world died last

night

while I was thinking

about

sleeping my thoughts

of

life away.

never can though...

the...

Nightmares are far

too

intense for me to

focus on

anything but poetry

lately...

and past

life tragedies which

may

or may not have

ever

happened outside my

in-

sane head of oddities...

ive just been

drinking mass amounts

of

Heart Healthy coffee.

(3

pots a day keep the

sleepy

bugs away "they" say.)

and no i still have yet

to

determine who in the

hell

"they" are....

My

sister and I have pondered

that

elusive mystery for years but

to

no avail...

I suppose ill have to chalk

it

up to one of lifes axiomatic

un-

answerables that keep a

soul

up at night dreaming their

useless

life away hoping for better

days

knowing tomorrow will likely

be

the same dream its always

been

and was before.

damn its early as hell

and...

i think i died just then

thinking

about the world i've never

been

involved with in any meaningful

kind

of meaningless fucking way...

(wish i could just

sleep a day.)

that careless void of hateful stars

that careless void
of hateful stars.
(a brief ranting.)
__________________________

last night we sat
beneath the cold
cold moon laughing..
getting drunk with
angels while trying to
shoot down those hateful
stars we wished on
long ago.

(i told you the bastards
were bad news didn't i
love?)

your kisses felt different
to me..

like slaps to the face
which strangely excite
a lusting heart while
simultaneously sickening
the soul.

i think it was the way
your eyes kept dying
love..

coming back just slightly
..long enough to fake
dead- laughter at my corny
jokes..

before fading away into
the Cemetery Greens
they've seemed to be
lately.

and the angels were all
pitifully without insight
were they not?

i always thought of them
as psychic when i was
a kid...helpful heavenly
being who are
able to foretell events
and predict tragedies...
or warn people about
the bad shit getting ready
to go down...

but they all just stood
around did they love?,..
drunkenly singing...

watching us
drown...!!

(in that careless
void of hateful
stars.)

jsh

her graveyard in the skye

hEr GrAvEyArD
iN tHe SkYe.
++++++13+++++

these days
Black skies
seem preferable...

(since they
give angels
more places
to hide..)

and the
clouds are
Dark

because
She
wept them
full!

(from her
graveYard
In
the sky.)

j.stephen.H

the only joke for which i care

the only joke

for which i care.

+++++++++++++

her morning

tears were

pretty comedies..

sAd jOkeS told

to ignorant MeN

who could never

understand..

that it hurts to

be so fucking

"pRetTy."

(though the

world

is putty in her

hand.)

she never

hears

me weep cold

laughter...

(though it's

Always solely

For Her

Benefit.)

and...

this Alone

Breed Loves

Disaster!!

(turning

Roses

into Shit.)

++++

but If I lived

1,000 pointless

years,

(never going

anywhere.)

I'd remain

the Collector of

Her Tears..

and Worshiper

of That Broken

Stare!

( since its

the only

joke for which

I care.)

j.s.h.

skies once blue

skies once blue.
++++13+++++

I love you..
I love you..!
she happily
said..

and her
words
turned
the black
skies blue.

(as they
echoed
through
his Head.)

+

Likewise,..
likewise!
he replied.

You are
that reason
my Once
Lonesome
Heart
is by Good
Angels
occupied!

++

Two blinks
later and
all
Hell breaks
loose...

(it seems
she doesn't
love him
now..)

and Their
Promising
Life
Becomes
A Noose!

(though
 he
wonders
why..
and
HOW.)

+++

Whiskey
doesn't
numb the
pain..

it just
makes
Acid out
of Tears..

that
leave a
Dark and
Bitter
Stain!

(which
stays
with him
for many
Years.)

+++

"I love
you.
I love
you !"

He
remembers
she said.

But those
Dead Words
Blacken
Skies once
Blue!!

(Before The
Bullet Echoes
Through His
Head.)

j.stephen.h.

DiScOrDs pRaYeR

my father who art
dead,
forgotten be thy
name...
thy kingdom done,
thy will be none,
on the earth or
any fake heaven.

Give me this day
my daily stone,
so that I may stone
others the way
they stone me,

and leadeth me
not into Paradise,
but deliver me from
this world of lies,

For THINE is the
Grave, ...

of Slaves...

FOREVER>

amen.

i believe in monsters now

i believe in monsters now.

++++++++++++++++++++

I once believed less

in monsters, than...

victims of irreconcilable

circumstances who

(for whatever reason)

lacked the will to change

their acquired natures.

Then I found myself

on the badside of love...

angry, and wanting...

a creature of hate laughing

in the mirror, filled with

hideous rage unfelt

since the horrors of my

youth..

and then I knew...

that love is

+my monster.+..

my...irreconcilable

circumstance created

by an unchangeable

fate written on

a Wretched Star before

the first kiss was planted

on the cheek of Hells

Abyss....

This Beautiful Pain I

crave to feel but loath

simultaneously because

it's not the same as other

loves...

it burns more, and creates

less...

an ugly, lonely thing

screaming into a cave

where light has never been...

and devils dance in angelic

dress to trick me.

yes...I believe in monsters

now.

(theres no more self doubt

my sweet.)

j.stephen.h.